Rain...Rain, It's Rain Every

Funny Engrish. I think she is trying to say it's always raining. Not entirely sure. I think even Google Translate would give a better translation for the phrases on this tissue box.

Crazy Utsunomiya Man

Below are some photos a relative of my wife sent me several years ago. He lives in Utsunomiya and the photos are from his city. I call him crazy in a funny way. He's a really goofy and entertaining guy who enjoys to have a beer. :)

A park in Utsunomiya.

Here is a crazy man at a park in Utsunomiya.

Here's crazy Utsunomiya man enjoying some fine Utsunomiya water.

Here is crazy Utsunomiya man fishing at a local park. I wonder if he caught anything?

Here is crazy man's house. I wonder if he rides that scooter. If he does and you are ever in Utsunomiya, better watch out when you are on the street.

Here is crazy man's house in the summer.

Here is his house during the winter.

Tokyo residents the sleepiest people in the world

If you live in Tokyo than I know this is very familiar to you. This is an article from CNNGo.com.

Two passengers end up at the last stop on the JR Yamanote line which runs a one-hour loop around the city.

City dwellers in Tokyo get the least shuteye in the world, according to a survey from food company Ajinomoto.

It's not that Tokyoites are rising early -- citizens of Shanghai, New York, Paris, Stockholm and Tokyo all get up at an average of 6.40 a.m. It's the late-night drinking culture that's making our citizens drowsy.

A father sits beside two children sleeping on a bench in the shade at Toshimaen amusement park in Tokyo.

Shanghai advantage

As the only ones staying up after the stroke of midnight, respondents in Tokyo are hitting the pillow at 12.19 a.m. on average, compared to 10.20 p.m. in Stockholm, 10.38 p.m. in Shanghai and in New York, supposedly the city that never sleeps, people are doing just that by 11.15 p.m on average.

That means Tokyoites are sleeping an average of just five hours and 59 minutes each night, one and a half hours less than their Shanghai counterparts.

Forty-nine percent of respondents in Tokyo said they were unhappy with the situation, a sign that many still feel obliged to join late-night drinking sessions with colleagues. Only 29 percent were happy with their sleeping habits, compared to 68 percent in Shanghai.

The survey also revealed that commuting times were not to blame with Tokyo and New York posting the same results.

Kirainet.com - A geek in Japan — Japanese Sleeping - 9

Hilarious photos of Japanese sleeping in public from Kirainet.com.

Kirainet.com - A geek in Japan — Japanese Sleeping - 9

Please do it again

Like lemmings marching to their death. The salaryman in the gray suit looks very nervous with the suspicious looking punk behind him. Either that or he is showing him how to do the dance move they are all performing.

This poster would be laughed at and ignored in America. Unfortunately the idiots who ride the subway in Los Angeles pay no attention to train etiquette. People in LA start pushing to get on the train without letting passenger exit first. Morons.

Please do it again

That's very nice of the man in the geta and massive afro offering to carry the woman's suitcase up the stairs. At least that's what I think he is going to do. Maybe that's his suitcase and he's asking her to carry it up the stairs for him because he doesn't want to trip and fall in his geta sandals.

Yes I can Use Chopsticks

There is a website called Yes I Can Use Chopsticks that is from an American who teaches English in Fukushima Japan. I often read his online journal which describes his daily adventures and the silliness of certain aspects of Japanese culture. The way he writes about is daily experiences is often hilarious and below is a perfect example. I was cracking up at how he describes below how the school staff go crazy when the bread truck arrives at school.

"A truck selling bread just pulled up and everyone went F-ing crazy to go get some bread. SOME BREAD. Is it laced with heroin? I don’t know, but everyone truly goes crazy when this bread truck pulls up. They have come probably 100 times since I have been here and I have never understood it. They pull up, the office staff announces “the bread truck is here” and people literally scramble and trip over themselves to get out to it to buy…..bread. Simply bread that can be bought at the store. The only thing I can possibly imagine is they have some special contract with us and the teachers are showing their appreciation or something, but still it’s a bread truck. Now if the truck were made of bread, oh I’d run out to see that."

Please Do It Again

The muscle man may be politely moving his bag so as not to bump the man behind him or he may actually be protecting his stash from theft. Looks like in the 3rd picture he is saying "look at my muscle little man. I will crush you if you touch my bag again." The guy with the book definitely looks a little terrified. Muscle head man kinda looks like a foreigner to me.

Please do it again

The May Tokyo Metro poster is apparently telling people to please pick their ear wax again. How odd.

Plant a garden ... in your bra?! Japanese undergarment does double-duty as a rice-growing kit

From the Reuters News service.

Urban farming is really taking off in Japan. But that is now being taken to the extreme. Growing rice in bra cups -- while wearing them. The cups are filled with soil and rice seedlings which are watered by the wearer with a small hose. I guess because land is so valuable in the cities, they are trying to find anywhere they can to grow rice. According to the maker of the bra, Triumph Lingerie, "Over the last year, young Japanese women have taken a tremendous interest in agriculture," Triumph spokeswoman Yoshiko Masuda told Reuters. "We wanted other women to experience farming as well."

That is certainly an interesting way to let Japanese women experience agriculture. I would be a little scared of what kind of farming underwear they might make for men. Hmmm, let me think. No, I better not say. :)

Triumph also makes bras with a sushi set (yummy) and one that has solar panels. According to bra model model Reiko Aoyama "The bra fits much better than it looks. Wearing it puts me in such a fun mood." I can only imagine.

Hideyoshi lives and he's ready to kick North Korean butt

Hashiba Hideyoshi in rubber boots in front of his missile arsenal. (Photo from viceland.com)

Kim jong-il and North Korea may have nukes but Japan can rest easy, Hashiba Hideyoshi is alive and well and ready to kick some North Korean ass should they ever attack Japan. Yes, the great 16th century unifier of Japan, better known as Toyotomi Hideyoshi, is living in Aoyama and has built an arsenal of ballistic missiles ready to launch at the slightest provocation. The modern Hideyoshi has even created his own feudal domain called Odagawa where he has built a small castle and of course a hot spring hotel.

Apparently Mr. Hideyoshi realized who he really was when he was a young man and was told by a priest that he was the reincarnation of Toyotomi Hideyoshi. He didn't think too much of it until later from reading about the real Hideyoshi, he realized what an impressive general he was. Now Mr. Hideyoshi wears samurai armor ready for battle while holding an assault rifle. He doesn't mind that people may think he is completely mad, he's just the resident crazy man. Hideyoshi moved to Aoyama and established his Odagawa Domain where he decided to dig for a hot spring and establish a hotel. It wasn't until later after hearing about North Korea's Taepodong missiles that threatened japan, that Hashiba Hideyoshi decided to build his own missile arsenal.

According to Mr. Hideyoshi, he has seven Patriot missiles (that don't fly) and a nuclear armed 'interplanetary' ballistic missile and another missile that he calls the "Super Fighter Hashiba 7". The Hashiba 7 apparently works if it is loaded with liquid oxygen and alcohol, although I wouldn't want to be in the area when Mr. Hideyoshi fired it up. Hideyoshi has even bigger dreams. He next plans to build two Aegis class warships and an aircraft carrier, the Odagawa Domain navy.

He also has a tank armed with cannons and missiles but Hashiba states that they don't fire real ammunition. If he did fire them, he states, he would be prosecuted much more severely than just a simple weapons violation.

Hideyoshi in rubber boots in front of his castle. (Photo from viceland.com)

I learned of the modern Hashiba Hideyoshi through the Samurai Archives and an article on Mr. Hashiba Hideyoshi from viceland.com.

Colbert learns Japanese from Robot lips

www.colbertnation.com

Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Fox News

Here is the hilariously freaky video by itself.

Japanese man killed by Light Saber

Kirainet, a blog I enjoy visiting often, periodically posts hilarious photos of sleeping Japanese. The two below are a couple of the funniest ones I've seen. The guy looks like he was killed in a light saber battle, possibly with Count Dooku.

Photos courtesy of Kirainet.com

Are you ready for the toilet of the future?

Wikipedia Commons

Are you ready for the toilet of the future? - Innovation- msnbc.com

Not Japan, but America. Japan already has the toilets of the future. This article from MSNBC talks about how futuristic toilets from Japan are starting to trickle (pun intended) into America and the impressions some American's have of these technological toilets.

From the article:

“You walk into a bathroom in Tokyo and the toilets are like the captain’s chair on the Starship Enterprise,” says Kim Terca.

Terca says she found Japan’s smart toilets both “hilarious” and somewhat perplexing, since not all toilets offer the same snazzy features — including a special deodorizing feature that she says she never figured out.

Mary, a 53-year-old business consultant from Manhattan, says the special sound effects were what threw her for a loop. “I went to see my client and had to use the bathroom and as soon as I sat down, there was this sound,” she says. “In retrospect, I realized it was a rainforest or some nature sound to give you your privacy, but at the time it sounded like applause." (MSNBC)

I had my own interesting experience with a Japanese toilet during one of my visits several years ago. While sitting on the toilet I accidentally pressed one of the buttons on the panel and I received quite a wet surprise.

Google Translate

Google's translation feature is pretty cool and it has been getting better. But it's translations are far from perfect of course and often can be pretty funny. Here are some Google translations from the City of Nikko website about suspicious persons. The following are descriptions of various suspicious person's.

1. Male, age late 30 early 40 years old, 165 centimeters tall, thin build build, tanned, lean face, the wind seemingly humble worker wearing pants Dabodabo.

Maybe he moves like the wind but I don't know what Dabodabo looks like.

2. Male, age 50 years old place, 165 centimeters tall, medium build, light blue short-sleeved shirt, black pants, wear glasses with grizzled hair is in short.

At least it didn't say "grizzled hair is in HIS shortS."

3. Man, age about 20 years earlier, slim, white T-shirt, black pants, a white man with a towel covering his head, riding a bike of unknown color.

I was in Nikko last week but at least I didn't have a towel on my head.

4. Male, 165 centimeters tall, plump-type, black-framed glasses, wearing a disposable paper mask, long pants, an unknown color, black umbrella, carrying a plastic bag

Half of Japan wears paper disposable masks. Good luck finding this guy.

Zombie doesn't like the slurping

I can see why the zombie would be annoyed, the guy next to him is spraying ramen all over the place with his slurping while sticking his elbow in the zombie's eyeball.

I wonder what the zombie lady next to the door is thinking?

Cheesy Samurai flick

1981 film starring Hiroyuki and Sonny Chiba.

Big time cheesefest. If you want some good laughs then you might like this. It's two hours of disco ninja action. Pretty bad, actually, really bad. There is a good disco dance scene at the execution grounds but you have to endure a lot of this movie before you get to this scene. There is also some really good (and hilarious) Olympic gymnastics swinging scenes near the end as well. Olympic gymnastic swinging you ask? You'll just have to watch it to see what I mean

Japan's next first lady has been to Venus

Can we say wacko.

"While my body was asleep, I think my soul rode on a triangular-shaped UFO and went to Venus," Miyuki Hatoyama, the wife of premier-in-waiting Yukio Hatoyama wrote in a book published last year.

When she awoke, Japan's next first lady wrote, she told her now ex-husband that she had just been to Venus. He advised her that it was probably just a dream.

She also says she met U.S. actor Tom Cruise — in a previous life.

"I have a dream that I still believe will come true, which is to make a film in Hollywood," she told a TV talk show in May. "The lead actor is Tom Cruise, of course. Why? Because I know he was Japanese in a previous life.

"I also eat the sun," Hatoyama said on the program, looking up with her eyes closed, raising her arms high as if she was tearing pieces off an imaginary sun. "Like this, hum, hum, hum. It gives me enormous energy."

September Metro Poster

I don't see a problem with this. He's clearly practicing for the gymnastic competition for the 2016 Tokyo Olympics. I think they should have entire train cars set aside for this activity. They should probably not let those two zombies in the cars however. Too distracting for the potential Olympians.

August Metro Poster

Here is the August Tokyo Metro poster.

I am not sure what they are requesting people to do at the beach. Either that couple is drunk, or that man is trying to shove the lady off the platform, or he is fondling his girlfriend which she seems to enjoy. I am not sure they should be doing that at the beach either.

The couple should be more worried about the the two zombies right behind them.