Once, after a discussion of the doctrine, Dogen instructed: It is not good to overwhelm another person with argument even when he is wrong and you are right. Yet it is also not right to give up too easily, saying, "I am wrong," when you have every reason to believe that you yourself are right. The best way is to drop the argument naturally, without pressing the other person or falsely admitting that you yourself are wrong. If you don't listen to his arguments and don't let them bother you, he will do the same and not become angry. This is something to watch carefully.
I am pretty sure that Dogen is not saying that if you think you are right, then you should ignore what the other person is saying and not listen to them. My belief is that when you feel strongly about something, you should not continue to argue with another person who may also feel strongly. But Dogen says you should not lie to yourself or to them by simply giving in and saying, "I was wrong". Rather, you should just let those types of arguments go away naturally.
This philosophy will be strongly tested when dealing with teenage children. It still is a wise pursuit.
ReplyDeleteWhat often seems to be a major faction is in fact most likely nothing at all.
Or as Bill Clinton was fond of saying, it all depends on what your definition of "is" is.
I have about ten years before I will need to test this philosophy with teenage children so I have time to prepare.
ReplyDeleteOh, please
ReplyDeleteThis is advice for myself and not directed to any other person.
ReplyDeleteI have 2 teenagers from my first marriage. Basically good kids. My daughter lived with me during her rebellious years. Not a fun time at all. One thing I will say, you can survive those years (drinking helps!). J/K.
ReplyDeleteHaving one of each (girl and boy) I will say girls are more of a challenge, especially when they hit years 14 through 18.